Amid some recent spring cleaning, I came across my childhood “memory box,” an assortment of grade-school treasures that includes the likes of report cards, little league baseball photos, and a variety of graded assignments from the elementary, middle, and high school years. Each ‘treasure’ could merit its own Small Story in some way, but the one that stood out a few weeks ago was a literary gem from my 8th-grade days.
My class had been given an assignment in which we were to weigh the pros and cons of some aspect of our life.
I had chosen the fact that I had worked as the paperboy for a local paper route since 5th grade. In my paper, I then dedicated three-and-a-half pages to unpacking the ‘cons’ of the paperboy job; I gave a half page to the ‘pros.’
The whole piece has a next-level ridiculousness quality to it. And it’s the ridiculousness, actually, that makes for a timely insight. First, however, here’s a small sampling of the ridiculousness - along with some brief commentary:
It’s the most boring, going-to-break-my-back, time-consuming job ever.
(Opening paragraph material right here. You can give me this much: I did not bury the lead)
Worst of all, I don’t get to choose how or when I want to do this because my paper route manager controls me.
(Also opening paragraph material)
This has really put permanent damage in the way I think because every week nowadays I read the time when either Wednesday or the 4th weekend of the month comes around because it means inescapable work.
(Whine much?)
It seems to be that the weather and I are at a never-ending battle of what we want the weather to be. I always lose. On each Wednesday I can always count on one of the following: six feet of snow, six inches of rainfall at the time of my deliveries, or sweltering one hundred degrees.
(Already I was primed to be the kind of adult who told my children about walking five, uphill miles in the snow - both ways - to make it to school and back).
Then, at one point I had a sentence in which I described the neighborhood driveways as always sloping ‘up,’ which was notable because the paper company required that papers be delivered to the front porch and not the bottom of the driveway.
Regarding ‘up’ I wrote When I said ‘up,’ I meant that I’ve been given a route that has driveways sloping anywhere from a 60-degree angle to an 80-degree angle.
(Not on the route. But it’s how I supposedly experienced each driveway)
—
There is (much) more fodder in my 8th-grade paper, but I think you’re catching my whiny drift. Which is humbling.
Because as open and fair-minded as I like to think that I am, there is one group of people who definitely grates on me more so than anybody else: the complainers.
The folks who have a keen sense for pointing out all the ways that something or someone is wrong. And often these same folks do not seem to have any awareness of how they themselves could change nor how they are going to go about ‘being the change they want to see.'
This drives me crazy!
And, also…
That judging posture sits quite comfortably in my 8th-grade self and… still hides quietly but powerfully in my adult self.
Behind a low-key, Midwestern vibe it’s easy enough to hide all the judgments I can readily spew at this, them, and that - though the biggest target of my wrath is consistently me.
Honestly, my Inner Judge is brutal when describing just how back-breaking my failures are, how permanently entrenched my incompetencies are, and how below-standard my work is. And boy, catch me on a day with some added stress or less-than-ideal-sleep… you can bet Mr. Inner Judge is on stage all day.
All to say, the kind of person I cannot stand the most is - strangely enough - the kind of person who looks just like my very own Inner Judge.
Which makes me mindful of how the theologian, author, professor, and civil rights leader Howard Thurman once reflected upon this strange truth in his Meditations of the Heart:
“It is very easy to sit in judgment upon the behavior of others but often difficult to realize that every judgment is a self-judgment. A corollary to this fact is the finding again and again that the thing which seems to be objectionable in others is something of which I myself am guilty… What I condemn in others may be but a reflection of myself in a mirror."
—
Fewer and fewer people rely on a paperboy to get them the news. Anymore, we find it on television, through our favorite websites, and TikTok. And typically the stuff that sells, gets amplified, and goes viral generally does an exceptional job of drawing out our Inner Judges so that we can sit in furious, righteous judgment over that, them, and those.
But here’s a wild thought:
Next time the news lands in your lap (local, national, global, family, organizational or otherwise)…
And no matter how bad it declares that the weather is…
And no matter how ill-timed it all seems…
Begin with a deep breath.
A prayer.
Perhaps a brief walk or even a bike ride.
And then ask yourself this:
If I feel this angry, frustrated, or embittered by this/them… does this response tell me anything about myself? Is this holding up a mirror to me in some way? And does this, then, inform my next step (the be the change thing)?
If you’re like me, what you might see is that - while you are hardly excusing that which angers you about that/them - your own Inner Judge is coming clearly into view.
And funny thing about that.
Because what we can name we can tame.
As soon as I see-and-name my Inner Judge in all his ridiculous wrath, he starts to become super small. Like a haughty, harmless 8th grader who just needs to cool it. Generally, at the moment I recognize him for what he is, I give him a slight nod of recognition, thank him for this opportunity to grow, and then invite to center stage my Inner Sage.
My True Self.
My Highest Self.
My Soulful Self.
My Holy Spirit-Inspired Person.
Know what he sounds like?
Like some of these final sentences in my 8th grade “My Paper Route” paper…
One good thing (about the route) is the people you meet. By delivering the paper, you’ll have to meet new people. I think this is a plus because it gives you more of a sense of the different kinds of people that live around you, good or bad.
And…
I think that somewhere in me is a kind of ‘don’t give up’ spirit that I don’t know about, that has made me stick with the route.
And…
Overall, the route has probably given me more discipline and a sense of accomplishment,…
What’s your Sage, Soul, Holy Spirit-inspired voice sound like?
And how might you invite that voice into the center of all the news you are hearing?
The center of all the news you are carrying?
And…
What does that Voice have to say about things?
What does that Voice have to say about you?
—
Admittedly, the final portion of that ‘accomplishment’ sentence was the final sentence of my entire paper, and it read this way:
…but I’m quitting before high school.
I guess the basic truth is this: even in our most sagacious of seasons, all of us remain a (real) work-in-progress.
—
(Opening paragraph of the actual paper below)
Bobby, as always this is a lot to think about and learn from. Thank you so much for sharing your Stories. Keep them coming! God Bless you🙏🏻 Linda A.
Keep this up. You and Holy Spirit have an uncanny way of highlighting what is important.