The Best Thing You Can Do Today? Go for a Walk

A Lesson in How to Change People Who are Walking Contradictions

It happened again. My head began swelling. My stomach muscles tightened. My brain spun. Usually it happens on a Monday, but not necessarily. Always it happens when I let far too many demands fall into my lap all at once.

Stronger boundaries would help.
An ability to say “no” remains a critical gift to master.
But alas, too often I step into the day and open wide my arms unto the flurry of craziness - in whatever form it may arrive.

Such was the day when my head swelled, stomach tightened, and brain spun. Usually, such a day ends with me carrying my spinning self back into our house an - well - letting the stress spin toward anyone in the radius of the living room, the way a top dips and dives in the final throws of balance before collapsing.

Except…

Except on this particular day a voice cut through all the swelling and spinning… “You should go for a walk outside.”

And the voice was from a yesterday-version of myself who had once taught a leadership course during which I took some time to highlight the brain science behind walking - both for our general health and also as a vital space for letting the brain-and-heart synthesize more clearly the work of that day.

One thing that really bugged me about my teaching back then? I rarely practiced the point myself.

You all should go for a walk!! (And by the way, I probably won’t get out - again- today).

Until this particular day a couple weeks back. Before picking the boys up from school, I went to the park and walked.

(A fall version of the San Gabriel trail I took two weeks ago)

I experienced no windfall of immediate peace and insight, but I noticed myself noticing.

I noticed this one sliver-haired woman walking by me with pursed lips, focused eyes, and a blank frown that suggested she, too, was swelling-tightening-spinning with something. She had a sweatshirt that read “Just a Spiritual Being Having a Human Experience.”

Ha!

The kind of person I envision wearing that sweatshirt…
…bounces along with Galileo playing in their head,
…greets people with “What’s bringing you joy today!?”
…and generally wears a slight grin suggestive of the fact that they know the secret to life.

Which is to say: the kind of person who wears that sweatshirt is most definitely Not. This. Woman. And yet there she was:

Pursed Lips.
Free-Spirit Proclamation.

A few minutes later I saw a man running with strides that suggested this may be a New Years Resolution. It was labored and unnatural - and also quite driven. He wore thick, cotton shorts and a bright green, cotton t-shirt from Chuys.

As in the restaurant that serves up Mexican food that is quite tasty but most definitely would not be confused with athletic activities of any sort.

Focused Running.
Fajita Proclamation.

The experience of seeing these two people? I found myself inspired.

It was heartening to see a woman’s face wound like my own and yet wearing attire that declared a whimsical freedom.

I found it moving to see this man’s resolve in doing something that was obviously a stretch for his norm while also wearing a shirt declaring bottomless chips-and-queso - without a trace of irony.

—

• How many of us are walking contradictions?

• Or perhaps paradoxes?

• Or, charitably, works-in-progress?

How many of us preach walking (or whatever noble action or value), but then prove rather haphazard in actually living it? Prioritizing it?

Sometimes… this can be frustrating, angering, or even deeply tiring.

We want others to live up to their own standards.
We want ourselves to live up to our own standards.

And yet, there’s an odd comfort to be found in people being so… human. Even a strange inspiration to be had when we embrace people for who they are and where they are on the walk of life.

Even (especially) when the sweatshirt and the face contradict one another.

In fact, the best hope for bringing about a deeper integrity in them (and us, by the way)?

Which is to say - the best way to change someone?

Love the contradiction.
The paradox.
The (sometimes slow) work-in-progress.

Author Heide Priebe extends the implication of this insight for those of us trying to love people whose years, habits, or health may very well make things near-impossible for the change we want to see:

To Love Someone Long-Term Is to Attend a Thousand Funerals of the People They Used to Be
The people they’re too exhausted to be any longer.
The people they don’t recognize inside themselves anymore.
The people they grew out of, the people they never ended up growing into.
We so badly want the people we love to get their spark back when it burns out; to become speedily found when they are lost.
But it is not our job to hold anyone accountable to the people they used to be.
It is our job to travel with them between each version and to honor what emerges along the way.
Sometimes it will be an even more luminescent flame.
Sometimes it will be a flicker that disappears and temporarily floods the room with a perfect and necessary darkness.

—

If you arrive to this moment with familiar swelling, tightening, or spinning even when every fiber of your being knows there’s a better way (and you’ve even counseled others and yourself on that way)… here’s a thought:

Smile.

Embrace human.

And take a walk.

It really is great for all the reasons Past Bobby has taught. It’s also great because it’s a space that can make it so much clearer that everyone else on The Path is also living in same messy, marvelous paradox.

The religious word for embracing the messy, marvelous is grace.

It’s a spiritual thing that does funny things to our human experience.

Like…

Decrease the swelling.
Relax the muscles.
Slow the spin.
Turn the mouth upward.