Finding Your Nerve
In Impossible Times
In the early 90s Edwin Friedman - ordained rabbi, family therapist, and leadership consultant - wrote A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix (posthumously published in 2007).
For much of the book, he explores what he considers the chief signs that a family, organization, or nation are suffocating in chronic anxiety. (And yes, “suffocating” is the right word. The Latin root word “anxiety” is “to choke, narrow, or tighten.”)
The Need for Certainty Goes Up – Nuance, mystery, living-in-tension, and paradox are out-the-window.
Imaginative Gridlock – We can only envision the truly terrible thing that is about to happen. Other possibilities or potential are ridiculous at best, and largely they cannot be conceived anyway.
Blame Becomes Endemic – Friedman notes how chronically anxious societies are full of people constantly pointing the finger at the top (people in positions of leadership and/or influence) or at the very bottom (the most marginalized, least able to fight back).
Tribal Fervor Increases – The need for certainty is found in ‘circling the wagons’ – and tightly so. There is no greater sin than to question, leave, or build a bridge outside of the tribe.
Over-Emphasis on Data and Technique – Fearful of getting ‘it’ wrong or making things even worse, the hunger for data ‘certainty’ and technique ‘guarantees’ goes sky high.
Defensiveness Increases – Curiosity is out the window, walls are high, and fortifications are added every time it seems someone is questioning or attacking our castle.
A Failure of Nerve on the Part of Leaders - Amid the avalanche of anxiety, leaders increasingly avoid conflict, over-function to ‘save the day,’ seek a ‘safe’ consensus before doing anything, and capitulate to the loudest (most anxious) voices in the room. In short, leaders lose clarity about what matters and the courage to act in light of it.
Seen any of that lately?
Here’s the kicker… Friedman wrote this in the early 1990s(!) when he saw these characteristics taking hold of America.
At the same time…
Given that Jesus himself addresses anxiety directly right in the center of his most famous sermon, perhaps the truth is that humans everywhere throughout time have continued to deal with this particular suffocation.
By the way - in that sermon I mentioned - do you know what Jesus counseled in the face of crushing anxiety?
Seriously – with the world falling apart and the Roman Empire crushing down on reality, Jesus tells people to go bird-watching.1
Also, he adds…
“Go check out the flowers in the field.”
Seriously – amid those people doing those things, Jesus counsels flower-watching.
What?!?!
And yet…
Ever noticed what happens when you…
Spend time outside?
Take the focus off of all of your projections about all the terrible things you can conceive and instead return to the moment?
Observe the natural world of creation itself speaking… chirping… waving… inviting…persisting…dying…rising?
Does not a measure of breath return to the body in these moments?
A new sense of grounded-ness anchor your being?
Fresh connections and creativity and courage open within?
—
“The opposite of evil is creativity.” - Phil Stutz
—
It is not an accident that the Latin root for “Breathe” is “Soul or Spirit.”
When the chokehold of anxiety is released by new breath…
Our soul rises.
Our spirit enlivens.
Fresh creativity cannot help but emerge.
Professionally, personally, and societally… we are navigating the acute-and-painful realities that unfold when chronic anxiety takes hold.
Which means that the very last thing we need is leaders ever-swept up in that anxiety and perpetually swayed, sunk, and unnerved by every new headline.
What we urgently need - the thing of first priority, actually - are leaders who are…
Breathing.
Inhaling grace.
Exhaling their souls’ undeterred force into the challenges of our time.
Showing up with an indomitable spirit of life and love and creativity and justice and hope.
Leaders with nerve, as Friedman would put it.
—
If you knew the single most important thing you could possibly do today for yourself and those mired in anxiety (and worse) was to (re)discover a deep, powerful breath within… what would you do?
Walk?
Exercise?
Write?
Music?
Dance?
Pray?
Create?
Yoga?
Laugh
Serve?
Cry?
Coffee with a friend?
Bird (or flower) watching?
Stop ruminating and go do the thing?
How might you be the urgently-needed breath of fresh air among…
Your family?
Your community?
Your team?
Our nation?
This world?
(This piece was originally published in the BHL Coaching weekly newsletter)
To be sure, he said other important things too.
Excellent motivator to move into being Who God calls us to be for Him, the world, and ourselves