How to be a General (aka Boss)
Courage + Soul + Harmony (aka Growth Mindset + Passion + People Skills)
I remember early in my freshman year of college hearing the Davidson College Generals acapella group sing - and I was entranced. They were smooth, they were talented, and they were somehow my age.
They belted out the likes of Africa’s Toto and Journey’s Don’t Stop Believin’, and I left that first concert equally astonished and envious:
That’s incredible!
And also, why am I not doing that with my life!?
To be sure, I had never once sung in a choir. Yes, I sang in the pews on Sunday, I wasn’t shy about singing aloud in the car, and I was generally game for a shower-time tune or two.
Was that what gave me the courage to show up to an actual Generals tryout during the first month of my sophomore year of college?
Or, was the idea of being one of Those Guys so magnetic that all the reasons I could fail just paled in comparison to the possibility of making it?
Or, was it my newfound love (eventual wife) that provided me with the anything is possible feeling and so I assumed life would be a perfect dream no matter what I did?
I don’t know.
What I do know is that I showed up one Monday evening to try out for the Davidson Generals with no vocal training and all fifteen of the current members present to listen.
I went with Harry Connick Jr’s A Wink and A Smile because it didn’t require notes I couldn’t reach, and it also felt like a great candidate for the acapella world.
My game plan was this: sing with feigned confidence, smile, and then garner just enough group approval to sneak into General-dom. At which point I could safely spend a few months quietly blending into the background while the other members did the Generals Thing. Basically, I would fake it till I made it.
I was next-level nervous at the audition, but I kept to the song, and I even saw a couple of heads begin to bob along a little. Hey, maybe I’ve got something.
Soon, I had arrived at the final verse:
Now my heart is music
Such a simple song
And just then, one of the guys stood up, started rubbing his hands together, and mouthed “C’mon! Bring it home!” He was rooting for me! He wanted me to dig deep into my diaphragm, draw breath with everything that I had, and then sing those final two lines from the depths of my being.
And I went for it!
Singing again, the notes never end
This is where I belong!
Except… I didn’t know how to bring home the final line. I mean, I stayed on key. It was the right note. But there was no power. No oomph. No… “Now that’s a voice! That’s music!” moment. It just… was.
The room clapped kindly for me, and then one of the leaders said, “Ok, now I’m going to play a three-part chord on the piano. Can you sing the middle note for me?”
Right then, I knew I was toast.
Like I said, I had never sung in a choir. Sure, I could sing along with a melody line all day. But finding the harmonizing middle note? You may as well have asked me to begin speaking fluent Italian on the spot. It was that inaccessible to me.
To be sure, I tried. I offered up a bunch of embarrassing sounds in an attempt to stumble into harmony. No dice.
“Thanks, guys,” I smiled and then looked straight to the ground as I finished up. I knew. They knew. We knew.
The news was officially delivered to me later that evening. They were super kind of about it, but bottom line was this: I only had 1 of the 3 fundamental requirements for being a General.
And you need all three.
Both, to be a Davidson General - and a General in life.
—
If someone were to ask:
Bobby, how can one be a true General in today’s world?
(Put another way and with some context) Bobby, given an environment where the employer increasingly has the upper hand, where AI is routinizing creative work in every field, and where every field and country is changing so rapidly it feels impossible to know what’s next… how does one stand out, stay ahead, or generally keep moving the ball forward - like a General?
And my answer is this: if you want to be a General, you need Courage + Soul + Harmony.
—
Courage
When I walked through the door to try out, I had precisely one thing going for me: a willingness to take a risk. To try something new. To be in front of others who don’t know me - and sing(!)
Yes, it may have been fool-hearted given my lack of choral training, but I also think most acts of courage appear fool-hearted at some level. By definition, courage entails a risk that moves beyond the predictable, safe, or obvious.
And courage is a big deal these days because we live in a world that often feels terrifyingly unpredictable, and the pace of change often feels paralyzing and overwhelming.
The natural response to those realities is Fear. Anxiety. Worry. We close off, shut down, and circle our wagons. Politically. Financially. Socially. Professionally. Emotionally.
We see this response in spades today because it feels safe(r).
And so what, then, is the differentiator? The thing that stands out and provides another way, a different hope, a possibility beyond fear?
Those who put their gifts out there.
Those who risk putting their voice out there alongside others in service of a song that has the chance to lift everybody.
Those who step with courage.
We sometimes speak of this as having a Growth Mindset. It’s having a mindset that recognizes there is no such thing as failure.
Because…
Every step is about learning.
Every step is about growth.
Every step is about new possibilities, perspective, and patience.
No risk? No growth.
—
Soul
When I sang that final verse at the tryout, it was like AI was singing the song through me. The note was technically correct, but it was not fueled by the deep kind of breath harnessed from the depth of my being. Which is to say, my voice lacked Soul.
Whatever offering you make in this world - whether consulting services, welding expertise, legal advice, parenting, volunteering, medical procedures, caregiving, latte-making, teaching 5th graders, running your own company, and/or juggling all of life:
Figure out how to do it with Soul. Which is to say…let it be you.
Draw from the place AI cannot access, replicate, or nourish and instead offer your unique voice. Your unique gifts. Let it be you hitting the high, low, and middle notes not with half-breaths of fear, anxiety and tiredness, but full breaths of Soul.
—
Harmony
When I could not find the middle note at the tryout, I revealed quite clearly that I had no ability to work well with the other guys. My voice could not meaningfully complement, serve, enhance, or elevate their voices. Which is to say, I could not harmonize - and so I could not contribute to the song (and in fact, I could only hurt it).
Whatever you do in this life, it is inevitably done for and alongside others. And those who truly succeed have what we sometimes call People Skills. They know how to relate with others in ways that complement, serve, enhance, and elevate everybody else’s gifts, contributions, and presence.
Such skills are the things AI cannot train, teach, or cultivate - things like compassion, kindness, good communication, reliability, respect, integrity, and active listening. And, of course, the thing that binds all of these; namely, love.1
Skillful harmonization is in short supply these days, and it is such a breath of fresh air every time it arrives on the scene.
—
Ok, Bobby. But how?
And I have to admit, there is not a weekend course available where you graduate as someone who is now naturally courageous, living deeply and fully from your Soul, and harmonizing fluidly and meaningfully with all types of people in all types of situations.
What you can do, however? Here’s one thought: Find a way to work on yourself.
The next time you have a continuing education opportunity with your company, your organization, or you’re simply looking to grow in your personal life - what if you did not sign up for another conference where there will be a firehose of information that floods every pore of your being and then falls out of your head 48 hours later?
Instead, sign up for something where you know you will have space…
Tto listen to your life.
To go deeper into who you really are and what you are about.
To listen to your heart and have the chance to listen to another heart or two as well.
These opportunities, outlets, and communities are everywhere the moment you start looking. (Follow the footnote for a list of specific opportunities I have found fruitful)2
A few caveats in your search:
Smaller is better
Go where there are no promises of immediate transformation and clarity (real, lasting growth is far less like an overnight viral sensation and far more like working a garden)
But do go where genuine change and growth truly do happen. In time.
Because in today’s ever-evolving world where the unknowns are ever-acute, the ability to access Soul and work with Harmony is truly the differentiator.
And as for the Courage part of the equation? Trust me, if you sign up for a Soul and/or Harmony opportunity, that in and of itself will also be a big workout for the Courage muscle. Then, when you show up to work on Soul and Harmony, the Courage muscle will be in play the whole time, I promise.
—
Want to be a General in work and life?
Courage + Soul + Harmony.
Or for those who prefer to translate this into contemporary business-ese…
To be a Boss, you need a Growth Mindset + Passion + People Skills.
No matter what you call it, that is the holy trinity for a truly well-lived, uniquely impactful life yesterday, today, and tomorrow.
And it makes for a really great song, too.
—
Speaking of taking a risk… I am telling a couple of different stories live on stage later this month! If you are in the Austin area you are welcome to join in for one or both :)
Storytelling with Testify ATX on Wednesday, February 14 at 7pm. The theme is “Crazy Little Thing Called Love.” Tickets and details here.
Storytelling with Westlake Storytellers on Thursday, February 29 at 6:30pm. The theme is “Taking a Leap.” Tickets and details here.
I recently heard a bestselling author being interviewed about his success and how he has differentiated himself in a crowded field. He said nothing about his talent since he and everyone around him has that. “Honestly,” he said. “It boils down to professionalism. I know it sounds way too simple, but it’s true: I communicate clearly with people. I keep my promises and deadlines. And if I fail at either, I apologize and remedy it. And it’s been the difference because a lot of people just don’t do those things.” People skills. The ability to harmonize.
Personally, I have found the following outlets very fruitful for true, lasting growth: silent retreats, sabbaticals, trail hiking (for longer than just a weekend), doing a pilgrimage, therapy, coaching, committed small groups (the focus, safety, and energy of the group, of course, matters a great deal), writing cohorts, regular coffee with friends, church (though Sunday-only attendance alone has rarely moved the needle), improv classes, and small professional cohorts that stick together for 1-3 years and have some thoughtfully facilitated ‘deep dives’ into not just the professional material but the soul+harmony aspects.
And my dream is to add a couple more outdoor, adventure-esque options to my experience because I find the pairing of the outdoors with the inner growth to be quite powerful. Such things as a guided month(?) on the Appalachian Trail, the Camino in Spain, or this Alaskan Leadership experience. What!?
Dad was cut from Choir his Senior year in high school. Your gene pool is your constraint.
Good luck with the stories! Courage, Soul and Harmony with the audience!
Love the picture of the red head with the pink guitar :-)