I grew up in a state filled with cornfields. Which is to say, the ocean is far from my natural habitat. But… a small slice of it on the shores of Sayulita, Mexico has become the space on which I’ve learned to surf in recent years.
True, the surfing is ugly and unreliable. But the learning has been good - about surfing and life.
A couple weeks ago, Michelle and I were back in Sayulita for the first time in over a year, and below are three water-inspired insights perfectly suited for our many dry-land days.
We Fail Forward
(February 2023)
It bothers me greatly that there is no way to attend a lecture on surfing, memorize the mechanics within my brain, and then show up on the waves as an expert. Or even just halfway decent.
Because I am good at lecture-attending and fact-memorizing. Conveniently, it feels safe, too.
(November 2021)
But…
There is truly only one single, guaranteed way to learn something meaningfully in life: we show up and fail forward.
I am convinced that we often spend far too much time going down rabbit holes of…
videos
online trainings
Substacks (uh oh)1
…trying to learn-and-grow, but mostly what we need to do right this minute is go out and fail forward. The learning happens most foundationally in the doing.
Want to be a…
Better writer? Write.
Better runner? Run.
Better parent? Parent.
Better speaker? Speak.
Yes, there are very helpful and important aids and trainings for any-and-all-of-these, but actual on-the-water-surfing is the locus of growth.
Is it possible our constant scrolling, book-buying, and video-watching is an avoidance of the ocean calling us forward?
Is the most needful thing right now a Radical Bias toward Action?
Feedback is Painful - and Essential
I cannot stand this picture of me.
After having not surfed for over a year, I felt my first day out was pretty good! Without this (and a few other like photos), I would have written this piece telling you how I was glistening under the sun, crushing six-footers, and generally riding the high of life that we all need to find.
Ha!
The photos tell the truth: I spent my first hour riding waves that maybe topped out at 12-18 inches, and even then I rode them with squinting pain in my face and my back bent like I had loaded our hotel luggage onto it.
Stand up and enjoy the ride, Bobby! The bird above you gets it!
But alas, perspective us humbling.
Go too long without any kind of meaningful, thoughtful feedback…and honestly it is easy to begin thinking we are riding the biggest-and-best waves anyone has ever seen…and that we are pretty great, too!
Who has a solid lens on us?
Who gives us feedback on our Work? Life? Parenting? Organization?
What rhythms have we set to ensure a regular feedback loop?
What trustworthy voice(s) in our lives can name our growth and strengths….and they can also bring us back down to earth:
Seriously….the waves you are riding are not that big. You’ve got (plenty of) room to grow.And also, your…
posture
process
people-skills
perspective
presence
punctuality
…could use some work.
Feedback is painful. But, also… I stood straighter the next day.
People Raised in Cornfields can Learn to Walk on Water
Too often, we sell ourselves short.
We’re convinced we’re too young, too old, too inexperienced, too experienced, too far-gone, too set-in-our-ways, too…
I mean honestly, our fear-based ego comes up with literally…
Any. Excuse. Possible.
…to tell us why we cannot do something.
I’m from Ohio and have no business standing on a board while water rushes unpredictably all around me!
But funny thing when you risk failing forward.
A few times.
With bad posture.
(And yes, a coach helps during all of this.)
(Shout out to Instructor Chito)
(Shout out to Instructor Papas)
What if you can surf?
What if you can… (fill in the blank with the impossible thing that crosses your heart from time-to-time but then gets excused away)?
Maybe not tomorrow or the next day. Fine.
But is there a better time for the next ‘fail forward’ than today? And then again tomorrow? The fail forwards are not lost on the body or soul. They add up as instrumental to the whole process until - miracle of miracles - you are walking on water.2
Truth is, there is a big-wave surfer in all of us. Here’s hoping we pick up the board (and maybe a coach) and run toward the water.
Ok. Videos, online trainings, and Substacks have their place, obviously :) But we should ask ourselves, “Is this thing I’m watching-or-reading inviting/inspiring/assisting in a helpful way or is this mostly just helping me avoid getting out on the ocean?” And if it’s a little of both - perfectly fine. Just be sure to put the phone down/close the laptop far sooner than later.
True story: I learned how to take super baby-steps back-and-forth on my board while riding the wave. So… walking on water, right?
Fail Forward Fast. So you can fetch your board and go find the next set.
And I thought you photoshopped yourself on a surf board. Fantastic Bobby!