Earlier this summer, eleven from our family gathered in a single home for a few days of vacation.
And how quickly dirty dishes pile in that setting.
Blink, and another appears.
Turn around to watch a brief sports highlight on TV, and a few more dishes quietly emerge.
Go for a hike and return a couple hours later - goodness, how far and wide the dishes have spread.
And for me, this is not a problem.
Me and the flies - we have a thing for dirty dishes. I’m just far quicker at clearing them.
Sometimes family members say, “Come on over and watch the movie with us!”
“Let me get the dishes first,” I heartily respond.
“Here,” they’ll say. “Let me help.”
“No no. I got it. You go relax,” as I return to the scraps of scrambled eggs stubbornly clinging to the pan.
It’s not that I enjoy the dishes, exactly. It’s more that I need to be doing something. Idle hands, right?
Even on vacation, I discover I have an innate desire to be productive, to earn my keep, to be helpful.
(Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash)
Of course, it never ends. As soon as I finishes the dishes I look around for ways I can (re)organize the pantry or fold the dish towels or goodness, I’m not sure the floor has had a good cleaning recently why don’t I get a mop?
This is surely the definition of insanity. Go sit down and vacate!
Stop!
Rest!
Just Be!
(Photo by Clem Onojeghuo on Unsplash)
It’s not always that easy, though, is it?
We live in a society where we constantly feel the need to be Productive - doing better, getting better, and ever-moving Something Important forward.
We place a high value on hustle and hard work and, sure, a break is fine - but then the dirty dishes of family and workplace and societal challenges keep multiplying like weeds and so, really, it’s tough to sit too long without at least sending a few texts, emails, Slack messages…
The dishes are ever-calling!
And really, it’s about more than the dishes, isn't it?
Because doing the dishes - literal or metaphorical - is often what makes us feel valued.
Good enough.
Notable enough.
Helpful enough.
Worthy enough.
It’s no wonder that many who retire or face a debilitating injury that keeps them from the life or career they once knew… they face not simply a tough season of transition, but an existential crisis.
Who are we if we are not doing the dishes?
And how will anything move forward rightly and well and effectively if we are not there to do them?
The dishes are What We Do - and therefore Who We Are!1
—
One morning of the vacation I slept a little later than usual. It wasn’t planned, but apparently my body was making its own statement, and our boys were sleeping, miraculously.
Upon waking I went downstairs, grabbed a mug for coffee, and turned to see… no dishes(!). Usually at this point in the morning the mulitplication process is well underway. But no, this morning someone beat me to the pile.2
(Photo by Tracey Hocking on Unsplash)
Counters wiped, too, as if they anticipated I would try and find something to do instead of simply…
Sitting.
Sipping.
Conversing.
Imagine that?
Things happen when we are at rest.
Possibilities open when we cease.
Another is given the gift of giving when we learn the oft-forgotten Art of Receiving.
—
The very beginning of the Bible tells the creation story, describing the shape of a day this way: “And there was evening and there was morning, the first day.”
That same line is then repeated five more times (just replacing the word “first” with “second" and so on).
In other words…
A day begins in the evening.
A day begins at rest.
The Rhythm of Reality itself begins not with us humans in a hustle of anxiety, but cessation.
(Photo by Tadej Skofic on Unsplash)
Eugene Peterson summarizes the central implication this way:
Evening: God begins, without our help, (God’s) creative day. Morning: God calls us to enjoy and share and develop the work God initiated… Always grace is previous. Grace is primary. We wake into a world we didn't make, into a salvation we didn't earn.
We receive first (and receive daily) all the creativity, healing, and restoration already at work before we have even grabbed coffee or looked for a dish.
—
I know. I know. It all starts to sound too mystical. Just let us go back to our very visible dishes so we can Get. Things. Done.
All I’m inviting us to consider is this:
What if the primary thing our ever-hustling (and oft-exhausted) hearts need is to honor the DNA of the Universe?
To trust there is a Good Work already unfolding for us - and even toward us?
What if we risked setting aside some of the dishes, demands, and duties to which we are almost addicted… and tried to trust that we have nothing to prove?
And instead, what if we took some time practicing the ancient Art of Receiving?
Me? I recently started a “Receiving Journal.”
(Photo by Jan Kahánek on Unsplash)
I’m simply listing the things that I did nothing on my part to hustle-into-being… and yet God has brought them into my life.
Invitations.
Gifts.
Opportunities.
Connections.
Food.
Words of insight or encouragement.
So far, the list has grown every single day for a couple weeks.
Every bit as visible and numerous as the dishes, actually.
Amazing the Grace. Truly.
We often seem to have very few other ways of knowing one another than by our profession - the one we are preparing for, doing, or retired from. “What are you studying?” “What do you do?” “What did you do?” Frequently, these are our go-to questions when meeting someone new. Job and Identity are deeply intertwined.
Shout out to Uncle Dan.
Amazing Grace how sweet the time to see the wonders God has in store for me today. Just need to be still and listen. Thank you for the reminder and hand me the drying towel so we can do the dishes together.
You can come clean our dirty dishes anytime 🤣! I will gladly receive!