Early this past fall, I had a dream - and I actually remembered it.
In it, I walked up to an older woman who was a combination of two of the female associate pastors we had in my church growing up. I don’t know why she was a combination of the two, nor do I know why I knew this fact intuitively and felt compelled to walk up to her.
I said, “You were one of the pastors at the church where my family and I went when I was growing up.”
I don’t know that I expected much more than a nice nod given that our church’s membership was well north of 2000 members. And while we were faithful attendees, we were hardly church insiders.
Instead, she smiled back with wonderful kindness in her eyes and said, “Oh…I remember your family. I remember you.”
The way she held that first, knowing ‘oh’ sent shivers through my soul. It was like spring’s first rain reaching seeds that know they need something but have no idea what until the soil softens around them.
I then awoke with a deep warmth covering my entire body and tears flooding onto my pillow.
I have told that very brief dream to five or six folks since then, and every single time, I tear up when I speak it aloud. I even cried writing this piece. By now, I know it’s coming, I try to head the tears off by gritting my mental teeth, and still, they trace down my face when I speak it aloud.
Ever had a dream that stuck? Ever had a dream that drew forth an emotional response? And what do you make of such dreams?
I confess, I used to put no stock in dreams. Period.
Just too strange. Too ephemeral. Even remembering them at all feels like an exercise in grasping fog. It’s there, but it’s kinda not. And then it’s just gone.
Far better, I long thought, to have order, clarity, and hard facts.
Ironically, it took a few years of my own preaching before I realized that every year - about this very time of year - I would preach on a passage that began with an angel appearing in a dream to Joseph to 1) provide him practical guidance about his significant dilemma (Mary was pregnant but, um, Joseph - the betrothed - was not the father) and 2) tell him about Jesus who would be born of Mary and save people from their sin.
A few weeks later I would then inevitably preach on a passage where the Magi, after visiting baby/toddler Jesus, were warned in a dream not to go back to Herod.
Timely Guidance.
A Way out of the Mire of Wrong.
A Life-Saving Warning.
Goodness - who among us could not use one or more of those these days?!
But like I said, for a while, I put little stock in dreams as the conduits of such things.
Thankfully, I’ve changed - in part because of all the dreams I realized were in the Bible and, in part, because of a lot of personal growth and practical experience. These days, I find I am far more open and intrigued by dreams and their possibilities.
And given that I know many of you…
1) have dreams
2) are confused by those dreams
3) would welcome any measure of possible guidance, good news, or helpful warnings that dreams may want to offer…
…here is my four-fold take on dreams in general and my recent tearful one, in particular.
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On Emotional Responses (to dreams and in general)- My writing teacher always told our class to “Follow the tears.” What she meant is that if we did not know what to write (or even if we did), find a place where we’ve known tears. For wherever there are real tears, always, always, always the soul is saying something.
In opposition to the ego, which likes to hold things together, keep order, and present a good front, the soul can only show up when we let go of control. Tears are a vulnerable, tangible expression of letting go - and letting the soul speak.
Of course, this can be a deeply uncomfortable place for many of us, especially when we are used to living most of life on the ego’s terms. Rational control and order feel good because they feel predictable, safe, and manageable. And in a chaotic, unpredictable world - who doesn’t want that?
At the same time, the tearful/soul-speaking space is also uniquely freeing, empowering, and vitalizing. Because now you are tapping into the very core of your being and the Divine who lives within. Indeed, you are getting in touch with a Power deeper, stronger, and far better than control; namely, Love.So…
…if you find yourself with tearful dreams (or tearful moments awake), take note. Follow that. As my writing teacher counseled, the tears are taking you to a place of Central Importance for such a time as this - both for you and for those around you. Indeed, the most meaningful books, artwork, speeches, movements, and relationships that we experience in this lifetime are born of the soul and its wondrous tears.On Remembering our Dreams - Ok we say. But just because we have a memorable dream - and perhaps even an emotional response to it - what does it mean?! Dream interpretation is hardly an easy or obvious task.
Here’s one thing I can say: I continue to find that when I am in seasons of notable growth, stretching, or transition - I remember my dreams more frequently. Sure, I occasionally remember a dream in other seasons of life, too. But somehow my dream-memory ability finds another gear during seasons where the Change. Is. Real.
And so even if I can’t see the nature of my own growth nearly or fully, even if things in life mainly feel really difficult, the simple fact that my memory about dreams is heightened signals to me that…
Something important is happening.
Something significant is looking to emerge.
I am on the cusp of Something good.Indeed, in the Bible, God-speaking-through-dreams continually happens at critical junctures.
Dreams and next steps,
dreams and growth,
dreams and the Divine -
they are inextricably linked.So…
…if you find you are having more dreams of note (good, bad, strange or all the above), take heart!1 Very minimally, it means the soul is knocking. And that’s not only a good thing, that’s everything.2
Perhaps the next step, then, is to simply listen to the rhythm of your own life, and see where you sense the intersection of your dream and your reality.On Interpreting my Dream - Tracking the intersection of my dream and my reality - easier said than done, Bobby! Ok, fair enough. This is where the gift of a good friend, mentor, or coach comes in. Usually, they can gift a good question or two that helps uncover what was hidden in plain sight before us. Which then allows those soul-stirrings to morph into practical implications for your life.
Speaking of coaches…
In my case, I recognized (with the help of a couple of others) that my dream about those childhood pastors coincided with a moment in my own life when the idea of coaching others was becoming more and more real for me.3 As a long-time pastor myself, I deeply enjoyed helping others hear and live the story their soul was inviting - and what if I was being called to translate that into a coaching practice?
And what, I wondered, would be the heartbeat of a truly effective coaching practice? I mean, sure, there are all kinds of great tools, books, questions to ask etc but, at the core of the whole thing, what would matter most?
The dream reminded me of the answer.
Essentially, I heard the dream telling me this:
Bobby, in a time when so many people feel disconnected from one another, their work, and even from themselves - the greatest gift you can give is to look another in the eyes (the window to the soul, of course) with great kindness, respect, and love and know them. Know their name, their story, their gifts, their baggage, and the hope-filled story they still want to live but rarely dare speak aloud.
Bobby, give the gift you have been given. Remember deeply those whom your eyes meet. Like you, their soul will come forth. And like you, they will move forward into their emerging story with new courage and toward a deeper impact.
(You know, like the Joseph guy you used to preach about)Is there really any greater gift than being known fully, thoroughly, and completely - and discovering ourselves loved?4
That gift is the engine of the most creative, courageous, and world-renewing work being done today. And right now, I am grateful God would have me help others tap into such a Singular Gift.5
I’m grateful, too, for the way a recent dream gave me a glimpse of that Singular Gift while also providing timely illumination and confirmation for my journey.On Interpreting Your Dream - What about you? What are the dreams you remember? Perhaps some of them embarrass you. Some you dare not speak aloud. Some are confusing. Some are downright scary.
But here’s the deal - if in some way the dream is remembered, then there may very well be Something there. Something knocking. In particular, I wonder if any of your dreams may be speaking to some of the common “dis” experiences that many are having in our time:
Disconnect
Distance
Distrust
Discontent
Disappointment
Disillusionment
And what if…
The disconnect dream is about a reconnection seeking to emerge?
The distance dream is about a new season of closeness?
The distrust dream is about a relational risk necessary for an ache to heal?
The discontent dream is about a new courage and deep peace calling amid the mess?
The disappointment dream is about an invitation to renewed vitality and fresh vision?
The disillusionment dream is about courageous self-acceptance and a fresh vision born of a seed planted years ago?
So often, the embarrassing, tearful, fearful, or aching thing is - on the other side of the coin - an invitation to receive and live the story your soul is calling forth.
What does it look like to receive the invitation today?
Who else can sit with you in the mess and help unpack what’s knocking?
And what are the implications for your waking life?
DREAMS
All night
the dark buds of dreams
open
richly.
In the center
of every petal
is a letter…6
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As always, thank you for reading along each week, and know that new stories will arrive again in late January 2024!
In the meantime, you can learn more about my leadership coaching at bhl.coach.
Notably, I think this is why children remember so many of their dreams. They are constantly growing, far less caught up in their ego, and much more naturally attuned to their soul. That Jesus kept telling adults you must become like a child is, then, no surprise.
What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet lose their soul? Mark 8:36
To be sure, I know my dream has more layers than the coaching one. Happy to chat about those another time :)
Oppositely, is there anything more damaging to this world than not knowing oneself loved? “The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth.” - African Proverb
“The longer I live, the more deeply I learn that love — whether we call it friendship or family or romance — is the work of mirroring and magnifying each other’s light.” — James Baldwin
Full poem by Mary Oliver found here.
Thanks Bobby! So deep and true. Best wishes as you grow and as leaders grow with you!