Did it again.
Overscheduled on the coffees, lunches, and meet-ups. Every person important, sure. Every event a possibility, absolutely. But if you were looking for margin in my calendar in recent days, it’d be a bit like trying to find a Taylor Swift concert ticket under 2K. Like, c’mon. Not happening.
And by now I should know that no margin = no Bobby.
Or, perhaps the other way to put it: the Bobby who shows up when there is no margin in the calendar is frazzled, unfiltered, and motivated entirely by the fear of not keeping up, not doing enough, not being enough.
No Margin Bobby is exhausting. And it’s really not helpful or pretty for anybody.
And eventually that Bobby falls apart as I did on Tuesday night when I lamented to Michelle all the ways things were tail-spinning for me.
And somewhere amid my unloading and Michelle’s patient listening a space opened and a whisper of wisdom arrived by way of a client’s recent insight crossing my mind:
“When I’m not getting enough sleep, I’m more inclined to break things down” he observed. “But when I get sleep and I’m rested, I find I want to build things up.”
And those words then took me back to that Men’s Retreat I mentioned in last week’s post. During the retreat, one of the keynote speakers said, “I recently had an interviewer ask me if there is something people can do to begin experiencing a lot of change and growth immediately. And I know what the interviewer expected. He expected me to say, No - growth takes time. Which is quite true. But… I told him, There is also a superpower that all of us have at-hand. It can and will immediately begin changing your life and giving surprising amounts of energy, focus, and creativity to your day. Get 8 hours of sleep.”1
The old wisdom was now knocking afresh through the dizziness in my head, the knots in my stomach, and the aching tiredness of my body.
So I thanked Michelle for her patient listening and soon went to bed far earlier than normal and far closer to what it probably needs to be most nights.
That very next morning I was on a Zoom call with a few of my entrepreneur friends and colleagues, and one of them shared a few things she was going through. I then took a few moments to reflect back what I heard. Simple enough, right?
“Thank you, Bobby. I feel heard - and that means a lot,” she responded, gratefully.
I’d hardly done a thing in one sense. Then again, what does it feel like to you when you sense you’ve really been seen and heard?
—
It is amazing how often we find ourselves doing the very thing we know not to do.
We schedule our lives to the max.
We doomscroll into the wee hours.
We binge eat all the cravings we love/hate.
We have an extra drink, again.
We find ourselves frazzled, unfiltered, and fueled on the fumes of fear that we are not keeping up, not doing enough, and not being enough.
Deep stuff underneath our coping mechanisms.
But what if some of what we most needed to get out of the downward spiral was far closer than we realized?
Who in our life listens generously and patiently when we are falling apart (again)? Does it happen through conversation? Messenging? Prayer? Goodness, what a profound gift to be heard and received as we are. Even more when that person knows how to remind us of our best and truest self (and be sure and say thanks to Whomever(s) it is in your life).
And what if the best way to offer your life with full generosity, creativity, and vitality begins not with pushing harder but letting go? Specifically, what would it look like to fall into your bed an hour or two earlier this evening, take a few deep breaths, and allow yourself to discover all the repair, recharge, and renewal known in the grace of profound inactivity?2
And who knows - someone may offer you genuine thanks the very next day because of how you show up. Or maybe not. Either way, you’ll be building up everyone and everything around you, and that in and of itself adds yet more fuel to your vitality.
And wouldn’t it be cool if one day you wrote a Substack piece that began “Did it Again”?
By which you meant, “Got great sleep, built something truly good, and at evening time fell back into the same grace.”
To be sure, getting good sleep is not easy or natural for many people. It would take a whole other post to unpack the various health-related realities, bedtime routines, stressors, depression, anxiety and otherwise that contribute to this challenge. I’ll say this much from my personal experience: when I go on vacation (and truly leave my phone/computer alone) it is usually on the third night and beyond that I find myself experiencing the deepest, best sleep. Which is to say, it can take a little time to let go. But once I do - it’s a great gift.
Or goodness - what if you don’t wait until evening and enjoy a siesta? There is wonderful, quiet wisdom embedded in cultures that honor the mid-day nap. And it frees you to show up to the rest of the day and evening with fresh energy and life.
Hi Bobby,
You are spot on regarding sleep. Even in retirement I work almost everyday. I babysit most days. Some days I will sit in the morning and then again in the evening. I try to sneak in a little nap between clients. A little nap keeps me going into the evening. I have always been a napper.
Thanks for sharing. 🥰
Just read a medical article on the value of eating slowly…this reminder to be mindful about sleep is a good one to construct our lives for sabbath in every day.