The Book I Wrote That (Almost) Riveted Audiences Around the World
The Secret to Success - with Gratitude to Angela Lansbury and Props to Jerry Seinfeld
In the fourth grade we were assigned an altogether daunting task: write a book. True, part of me was exhilarated. Books were things adults produced, and only smart, hard-working adults at that. Already I had my own chance!
Mostly, I was quite intimidated. I had no idea where to start or how this could be feasible at any reasonable level for a fourth grader… though my questions were not the ones you might suppose when faced with the task of writing a book:
How am I supposed to get pages to fit perfectly together with binding and a cover?!
How is the product itself to emerge?!
Who is going to market this thing?!
My concern led me to study my current collection of books. I noted how the thin bindings were held together by staples. The large ones had glue invisibly at work. All of them had beautiful glossy covers.
I knew I could find staples and glue, but the glossy, inviting (sales-worthy) presentation eluded me. And worried me.
Fortunately, the genre and storyline were easy.
It would be a mystery story like the Hardy Boys or “Murder She Wrote.” I would eventually title my book “The Mystery of the Silver Idol.” The idol I had in mind was a large, rare diamond of incalculable value – and it was stolen! What unexpected tragedy! How shall this end!?
(Excerpt from the original book)
I was so enamored by my story of suspense and gravitas - complete with a wonderfully redemptive ending (the hero recovers the idol) - that I decided the book must be dedicated to someone much larger than my parents or family. Other kids could be content with such pedestrian choices. My book had global aspirations.
Pop stars crossed my mind, but even then I recognized how fleeting their stardom could be. Too risky. No, this person needed an enduring legacy that could be appreciated by all generations. This person must have wit and intellect, and most definitely this person must know how to solve a mystery.
(The dedication page from my near-famous book)
Murder She Wrote’s Angela Lansbury was my choice. I hoped very much she would catch wind of this honor and write me. It may be that she caught wind, instead, of my misspelling of her last name and took understandable offense because I definitely did not hear from her.
Regardless, it was the perfect choice for my page-turner debut.
Have you read it?
Perhaps my book failed to take off in the way I imagined because it had a significant, fundamental flaw. While it did eventually have a binding and a decently drawn cover (author and artist were one and the same), the book’s title ended up being “The Mystery of the Silver Idle.” Throughout the story, nearly every instance of “idol” was spelled “idle.”
(Actual cover. And yes, “Illistrated” is doing no favors for the already-glaring “Idle” issue).
It was a grave error.1
Where something beautiful and costly was to be named, I declared dull motionlessness.
Where a precisely-cut diamond displayed in a millionaire’s home was meant to be the central, defining image, I instead conjured to mind a dead car battery or bored cow.
Where the grand motion of the story was to find it’s alluring spark, I replaced it with the image of a half-awake person endlessly shifting through channels at 2pm on a weekday afternoon.
I stalled my book before it ever got going. This is why you have not read my book.
(The book’s great artwork with deft pop-cultural awareness could not overcome the idle error)
Or…
…Maybe you’ve not read my book because I was only in the fourth grade and did not and could not recognize the most fundamental truth about (real) success:
Show up everyday.
Practice.
Do this for a Long. Time.
Jerry Seinfeld was once asked by a young comedian what he could do to get his name out there, self-promote, and be somebody! Tell me how to make the flashiest, most attractive, sales-worthy book cover!
Seinfeld’s response? “(That) you have to do more to promote yourself - that's the worst advice. The best advice is to do your work, and you won't have to worry about anything else."
Another time, a young comedian asked Seinfeld how to be a better comic. Seinfeld responded forthrightly, “create better jokes.”
And the way to create better jokes, he added, is to write everyday.
For someone as funny, famous, and animated as Seinfeld, the advice does not get more pedestrian. Work on your craft. Everyday.
Do it in season and out of season.
Work through the drafts where you used the wrong idle.
Work through the seasons where “idle” aptly describes your sense of career and/or creativity movement.
Live-and-learn through the presentations where you froze/forgot/failed.
And, also, let go of what the cover looks like or who is going to do the binding that ties everything into a presentable bow. If Content is King, show up and lean into the craft.
Is it possible we still sometimes get caught worrying more about…
The cover than the content?
The win than the work?
The sale than the substance?
The accolade than the action?
The Insta-love than the introspection?
Indeed, many of the recent tributes to Angela Lansbury have noted how she was an unlikely star in a world ever-looking for a very particular type of glamour. Her secret sauce? She worked her craft. Everyday.
And one time a fourth-grader who was surely too young, immature, and into things like gum and Nike shoes found her acting captivating.
And dedicated his first book to her.
And then learned many years later she was still teaching him.
The school librarian did her best to save face for me when she took pen in hand and wrote “idol” correctly along the binding.
These short stories are a book in and of themselves, I appreciate the writing, Bobby!
Showing up consistently is simultaneously the easiest and hardest thing to do. Read this one with a broad grin all the way through. Brings back memories of my own, highly acclaimed Frankencat story from the 3rd grade.